It's been a few months now since the ex and I agreed to break up amicably. We remain friends but as evident from my last post, things have become very difficult between us lately. We just seem to be moving in two opposite directions. I'm here, she's there. We've both invested six long years of our lives to this relationship but never before have we seemed so far apart. We agreed that this break up would only be temporary due to our long distance status but as of late it appears that this may actually be the END.
To be honest, I really don't know how I feel about this. The safe, prudent side of me wants to do whatever it takes to reconcile the situation but the selfish side of me wants to venture off into another world and explore the newness of a fresh relationship. Speaking of the selfish side of me, I've come to realize that the hardest part of this breakup is recognizing the fact that the female I have spent the last six years of my life with can actually be attracted to and interested in another guy.
How can this be?? I thought she "only had eyes for me", naive right?! I want my cake and eat it too. I want to enjoy the single life but I don't want her to. I want to gallivant( <--- yes I actually used that word) around DC , free of any type of commitment but I want her to stay at home and wait for me to call her at 2 a.m. Needless to say, I'm not getting what I want.
Its hard to think that the once secure relationship you have had for so long is gone. For me I realized how hard it was going to be when I got in my car, and my passenger seat was empty. I wanted him to be happy so I let him go, but in the back of mind i still wanted him to be mine. I decided in the end, that jealousy kills and I wanted to spend more time on repairing myself, then trying to repair a broken relationship.
ReplyDeletesuch a man. lol.
ReplyDeletei've been feeling that way a teensy bit lately, so maybe i think like a man? oh noooo!
i understand what you're saying though, i was with my ex for six years and it was reeeally hard to let go.
well of course u know ur business better than i do, but do u think maybe if the 2 of u haven't gotten back together all this time, that it's time to let go? no one says you have to slut it up, but seeing what else is out there might give you some clarity.
ReplyDelete"gallivant"...love that word.
-KB
That sounds so familiar to me.
ReplyDeleteAt least you are honest enough to admit that you want her to stay at home waiting while you do your thing.
You have definitely shed a new light on things for me.
Wow.
Typical Feelings after a break up that emotions and love still remain between the two. You two will come to some censensus as to what is truly BEST..for you both. Keep your head up.
ReplyDeleteIt's breakup season dude... shit sucks.
ReplyDeleteI ran across your blog while doing a little browsing. Your blog titles peeked my interest, so I decided to read a little. Words and feelings all too familiar in this post. Although, still quite feminine my thoughts and dealings with relationships have been labeled as something quite masculine. Oh how I've wished to have my cake and eat it to when it comes to the post break-up phase. It sucks. I want to prowl the streets and honestly sometimes play in the sheets. Anything to get my mind off of the unfortunate reality at hand. However, I want my former lover at home waiting, thinking and wanting for me. Yes it is quite selfish, but hey I can't shake the way I feel sometimes. Six years is a long time and will follow with what seems like an even longer healing process time. I hope that this phase ends for you soon and now where the two of you end on two opposite sides of the track.
ReplyDeleteWell atleast your being honest with yourself and your feelings........i will say this if you do stray away from home........maybe it'll show you how much you really do appreciate and want her......By the way im Lady C :)
ReplyDeleteIM SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT!!!!! be strong my brotha!
ReplyDeleteits break up season (summer)
jus come to seattle ill make it all better for you..lol...kidding
I understand..I've been (still am, perhaps) there. It influences a lot of my writing and stuff. I think I may be coming out of it though, but I ain't sure.
ReplyDeletesix years is a long time. if it can be salvaged, i would do it. if it's not what's best, then make peace with it and move on. (easier said than done, i know). since you all are a distance apart anyway, it's kinda like you all have enough of a break to see if this relationship is really what you all want...whichever way it goes, take what you can from the experience. you'll be all the better because of it.
ReplyDeletecan't really give any advice. just gonna say good luck, and you will find what you want. just have to go with it and do not force anything. try to let it flow.
ReplyDeletethe blog world has spoken. it think it can all be summed up by saying i need to enjoy "me" time and just see what happens.
ReplyDeleteoh how i remember this feeling too well. that limbo. doing you is the best you can do. its the healthiest or so i've come to find out.
ReplyDeleteoh what to do what to do..
ReplyDeleteWow, that's typical of must humans. "wanting their cake and eating it too."
ReplyDeleteDissolving this mindset only comes with maturity and sacrifice.
Sacrifice because it take a mature person to sacrifice their selfish ways for that "true one"
I understand completely what you mean. I once ended a five year relationship to "grow up" saying that it was a temporary situation. The day I walked away I walked away from my best friend...
That was almost five years ago and now, I'm married to another and have a child with hubby.
It’s funny cause sometime you have to let go one thing to get a better thing
Wow, that's typical of must humans. "wanting their cake and eating it too."
ReplyDeleteDissolving this mindset only comes with maturity and sacrifice.
Sacrifice because it take a mature person to sacrifice their selfish ways for that "true one"
I understand completely what you mean. I once ended a five year relationship to "grow up" saying that it was a temporary situation. The day I walked away I walked away from my best friend...
That was almost five years ago and now, I'm married to another and have a child with hubby.
It’s funny cause sometime you have to let go one thing to get a better thing
do we ever really get what we want, though?
ReplyDelete